A Porch, a Bucket List, and a Few Secrets
On a quiet Sunday evening, Bert and Edna, married for 55 years, relax on their porch swing, sipping lukewarm tea and watching squirrels fight over a Cheeto.
Suddenly, Edna suggests, “Bert, let’s discuss our bucket lists.” Bert jokes, “I’m 87, Edna. ‘Wake up tomorrow and remember where I put my pants’ is the last item on my list.”
Revealing Long-Held Grudges
Edna urges him to dream bigger. Bert admits he’s always wanted to skydive. Edna, shocked, reminds him, “You fainted for three minutes the last time you knelt down to tie your shoe.” But Bert insists, “Let me land in the neighbor’s garden if I do fall in midair. My goal has always been to haunt him.”
When Bert asks about her own dream, Edna’s eyes gleam. “You know how your favorite recliner always mysteriously leaned to the left for 20 years?” she whispers. “I jammed a spatula in the bottom… after you spilled grape soda on my brand-new curtains in 1989.”
Mutual Confessions
Edna also admits to sabotaging the TV remote. “I adhered a penny inside the compartment… you never missed a Christmas romance film.” Bert, stunned, confesses his “fishing trips” were actually secret bowling outings. “I took home four awards. They are concealed in the basement behind the water heater.”
A New Chapter, and Then the Final One
They laugh, buy a new recliner, Bert skydives, and they start bowling together. Years later, after a fatal car crash, they arrive in heaven. St. Peter assures them: “Everything is free—this is heaven!”
Bert, hearing they can eat anything without gaining weight, explodes: “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! We could still be here today if it weren’t for your paleo chicken and bran muffins!”
